A year ago today I experienced the most tragic loss I never could have dreamed of. My partner of two years and friend of almost five expectedly passed away. He was the only man I ever imagined growing old with, the first man to really make me want children and marriage, even potentially a white picket fence. He was the first and only person to really see me, to know all the flaws, all the fears and all the wrongs that made me only human…and even wilder, he loved me despite them.
Now don’t get me wrong, he was not a perfect man, but he was a great man, a man who could connect with everyone he met, a man who made me laugh the deepest, hardest laugh I’ve ever released. He was the man that made me content with everything positive and negative thing life threw at me and yet pushed and encouraged me to want more out of it. He was a lover all things Star Wars, Zelda, Philadelphia (especially the Eagles), and green, I mean ALL things green! He was a passionate, kind, generous to a fault, and compassionate man. He would do anything for those he cared about, many of his friendships were built during moments on selflessness on his part.
On this day, one year later, I tried to muster up the energy and desire to be good with me. The past year has been one of many lessons and things I never could of imagined I would experience. I have had many highs and even more lows, and through it all not a day goes by where I don’t think of him and wonder how different, not perfect, but wonderful life would be if he were still by my side.
I start this blog, not because I am a wonderful or even creative writer, in fact I hate writing, but rather to find a space where I can reflect on the things I have learned, prepare for the things I may or may not have in my future, and to capture the moments I experience in this life I call my “new normal”.
convivial dreamer 